Family Life Education at 1342 Lancaster Ave, Syracuse, NY 13210 US - Marriage Enrichment

Here are six simple things couples can do to keep their marriages thriving: 

1. Say something nice to each other every day. Tell your spouse what you like about them. Over time, build up the positive so that you have 5 parts positive to 1 part negative. A story in "Chicken Soup for the Soul" tells about a husband who started thanking his wife for his "magic sock drawer". Somehow he always had clean socks. Gradually he showed appreciation on more and more occasions. At first his wife was suspicious but eventually she began thanking him for things, too.
2. Make a point to really listen to your partner. Don't be like the husband who bragged, "I just let it go in one ear and out the other!" Pretend you are a reporter trying to get the whole story. Ask, "Are you saying.....?" until you are sure you understand.
3. Spend at least thirty minutes a day talking. It could be the first half hour you are home or on a walk after dinner or the half hour before bed. If one of you is away, talk over the phone. I know couples who have an early breakfast together, who e-mail each other or who tape record messages back and forth.
4. Do something fun at least once a week. Remember fun? One couple told me, "We used to go out to dinner and talk but it got expensive and so we stopped. Now we are in counseling for communication problems and it's costing a fortune. Maybe if we had kept going out to dinner we would have saved money!"
5. Prioritize your marriage. One of the top complaints of spouses is "my partner puts the kids or career ahead of me." Careers come and go and kids (let's hope) grow up and leave. Pay attention to the concerns and preferences of your spouse. If you're listening, you'll know what they are.
6. If you feel the marriage slipping, do something immediately. Read. Attend adult education classes. Go to a support group. Ask your doctor or pastor to suggest a good counselor, with credentials, who specializes in marriage and shares your values. Go early. Don't let little problems become big ones. If necessary, go alone. (Just be sure your counselor is pro-marriage.)

"A marriage is like a garden. It needs a little tending. If we ignore it, weeds grow. But if we nurture it, the rewards are great. Nurture your marriage. Not only will you be glad you did, your kids will too!" 
                                                                     by Pat Ennis

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FOR MORE HELPFUL TIPS ON MARRIAGE GO TO: www.susanvogt.net/ 

To learn more about "Fireproofing your Marriage" go to:   fireproofyourmarriage.com

Books with tips for healthy marriages:  "10 Great Dates" http://www.marriagealive.com/  and "The 5 Love Languages" www.fivelovelanguages.com/
 

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COUPLE'S PRAYER

"We often tend to forget that we are two unique individuals with two different personalities and two very different ways of coping with life.  As a result, we somtimes get impatient with each other's method of doing things and stubbornly insist on handling things our own way.  At times we are even tempted to believe that our way is the only right way.  Help us, Lord, to be more tolerant of the way our partner chooses to cope with life.  Teach us how to always be open-minded enough to consider alternate ways of doing things...honest enough to admit when our way is not best...fair enough to realize when it doesn't really matter which way things are done...and kind enough to occasionally give into our partner's way of handling things.  Let us learn, Lord, not only how to use the art of compromise wisely and efficiently but to always temper it with a generous dose of understanding and love." 
Renee Bartkowshi, PRAYERS FOR MARRIED COUPLES, Liguyori Publications

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 HOW PARISHES CAN STRENGTHEN MARRIAGES 


The Love Dare Bible Study - Are you still waiting to fireproof the marriages in your church?  This fall is the ideal time for your church or small group to go through The Love Dare Bible Study.  Thousands of Christian couples are already enjoying a new level of commitment and love in their marriage.  To order The Love Dare Bible Study, call 800-458-2772. go to www.lifeway.com/fireproof, or visit the LifeWay Christian Store serving you.

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Every parish is receiving a FREE copy of the magazine "Ministry & Liturgy"(March 2009). This issue has 5 articles on marriage. Additional copies are available at 408-286-8505. This is part of the USCCB's National Pastoral Initiative on Marriage (for more information go to www.usccb.org).

Family Life will be offering discussion questions for each article in the March issue.
These questions can be used by church staff, parish councils, etc. to consider how your parish might respond to the ideas presented.

Below are the discussion questions for "CHRIST ABUNDANTLY BLESSES THIS LOVE - CELEBRATING THE RITE OF MARRIAGE WELL"  by Mary Ann Paulukonis. This article discusses the three options for the marriage rite and the opportunities these choices offer the engaged couple and their families.

1. How does our parish help to move couples from the "dream wedding" and "fairy tale setting" to a vision of marriage that envisions an act of worship where the bride and groom consent to self-giving love and ask God's blessings on their marriage?

2. Do we show a family sensitivity to unique situations of couples who come to get married (EX. parents that are separated or divorced, couple who have deceased parent(s), or children from a previous marriage are they recognized and included)?

3. Parishes may approach some aspects of the wedding liturgy differently. How much flexibility does our parish show in regards to such matters as the entrance procession, unity candle, and music?

4. The article highlights the unique fact that the bride and groom give the sacrament to each other. Is this the way you have understood the sacrament? In what way might this simple truth change the way you look at the sacrament?

5. A wedding is a day, a marriage is a lifetime. How do we as parish bring full, active, and consciuos inclusive participation of the bride and groom, the wedding party, family, and guests to provide an encouraging beginning to the journey of marriage? EX. an invitation to all present to raise their hands in blessing of the couple, family bringing up the gifts.

6. How do our parish policies stand up to the standards described in the article, namely:
     * they are clear and uphold good liturgical practice
     * they allow flexibility
     * they are written in a friendly tone
     * they explain the principles behind the policies
     * they are framed as parish services
     * they are given to the engaged early on

7. Weddings are an anxious time for families. Do you make an effort to understand conflicts over wedding plans, communication difficulties, "crazy" requests, "meddling" parents as signs of anxiety? How does this understanding affect the way you respond to these occurrences?

                         
Below are the discussion questions for "FOREVER AND EVER: HOW MARRIAGE AFFECTS YOUR MINISTRY" by Don and Chris Paglia. This article challenges us to look at the influence of marriage on ministry.

1. After having read the article can we identify some of the stressors put on couples in ministry (EX. meeting times, child care, preparation time)?

2. How do you balance responsibility of home, marriage, family and ministry in your particular situation?

3. How does viewing marriage (and family as the domestic church - the church of the home) as sacrament affect our relationship with the parish community?

4. Ministry can be seductive and consuming. What abilities does a couple need when one or both partners are involved in ministry? (EX. ability to set boundaries, ability to say 'NO', ability to discuss expectations).

5. Do you see Marriage and Family ministry as a calling from God? How can our parish encourage and facilitate continued growth in this calling?

Below are the discussion questions for "AS THEY BEGIN TO LIVE THIS SACRAMENT" by Kathy and Steve Beirne. This article discusses newly married couples and suggests some ways the parish can help them live out their sacrament.

1. Consider inviting a variety of married couples (EX: newly married, married 10+ years, and re-married) to your meeting to speak about ways the Church helped or could have helped them in the early years of their marriage.

2. What are some ways our parish helps newly married couples?

3. Is there a new step that our parish might take to assist the newly married?

4. How might we bring resources beyond the parish to the attention of newly married couples?

5. In what way(s) does our parish offer affirmation, information and networking opportunities to newly blended families? Is there another step we can take?

6. Might we be open to looking at ways the parish might assist married couples in different stages? (EX: married with young children, married with teens, sandwich generation married, and empty nesters).

Below are the discussion questions for "SINCE IT IS YOUR INTENTION" by Linda Moses.  This article challenges us to reflect on the role that hospitality plays in preparing engaged couples for marriage.

1. What do you understand by the statement: "Evangelization is often a by-product of hospitality."?
Describe an example from your own life or from the life of someone you know that witnesses to the truth of this statement.

2. What are the typical steps an engaged couple takes in our parish? How is hospitality addressed (or not) in each step? How might our hospitality and pastoral care be enhanced at each step? Might we need to do some staff training?

3. What are our parish guidelines? Which ones can we be flexible on? Who has the authority to make exceptions? How might we explain things that cannot be changed in a pastoral way?

4. A.(IF YOU HAVE PARISH BASED MARRIAGE PREPARATION)
What do you especially like about the way we do marriage preparation? What are some ways you think could make it even better? How do we involve the parish with the engaged couple and the couple with the parish?
    B.(IF YOU DO NOT HAVE PARISH BASED MARRIAGE PREPARATION)
Even though we do not have official marriage preparation in our parish, might we want to adopt some of the parish hospitality ideas mentioned in the article or brainstorm other ways to reach out?

5. How might we offer on-going support to our newly married couples? For example, what are some ways we might utilize the excellent www.foryourmarriage.org website?

6. Might we want to create a task force to continue this process?


Below are the discussion questions for "GIVE THEM STRENGTH: PARISH SUPPORT FOR HURTING COUPLES"  by Patricia Ennis. This article talks about how a parish can become a marriage strengthening church.

 

1. How do we respond to a husband/wife who confides in us that his/her marriage is in trouble? Is there something we might want to do differently?

2. Of all the reasons given for becoming a marriage strengthening parish, which reasons seem most compelling to you? Why?

3. Which ideas that the article suggests would you like to see our parish do? What other ideas might you want to add? To the extent that resources are available, what are some creative ways we might be able to accomplish these? (EX. within parish clusters, teaming up with professionals, etc.)

4. What are some simple concrete steps we could take within the next month? The next three months? The next year? (EX. form a Marriage Ministry Committee)